Saturday, May 23, 2009
May 23 Saturday 3pm
I’m here with dad right now. He is moving his left foot a lot & coughing a lot. He still moves his lips when I tickle them & I can see his eyelids squint a bit as if he’s closing them tighter. He doesn’t have a fever & his blood pressure is good. His heart rate did go pretty low this morning, into the 30’s. He’s back in the 70’s now. He looks so good. So young & handsome. It feels as if he is in & out of here. I believe with all my heart that if the Lord wants him here, dad will fight & come back and if he has a greater calling on the other side, he will magnify it above and beyond what is expected of him. This is precious time right now. I get to hold his hand & see his foot move & see his heart rate rise when I sing to him. I love him so much & I know he can feel it.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wake Up Song
I wrote this song the day before the accident. I found the timing & words pretty interesting.
Wake Up
Summer Rona
Wake up, wake up & come along with me
Get up, get up we got a lot to see
Going back to when we were just kids
When you could stand up, stand up for who you want to be
Not give up, give up, on all your silly dreams
When hide and seek was thrill enough to live
We gotta lot to live before we die
We gotta take this shot to feel alive
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Wake up, wake up & feel alive
Make up, make up with those you really love
Jump up, jump up, cause standing's not enough
It's time to smile and easily forgive
Let up, let up on all the crazy stuff
Shut up, shut up no need to make a fuss
Look around and bring the positive
We gotta lot to live before we die
We gotta take this shot to feel alive
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Wake up, wake up & feel alive
Wake Up
Summer Rona
Wake up, wake up & come along with me
Get up, get up we got a lot to see
Going back to when we were just kids
When you could stand up, stand up for who you want to be
Not give up, give up, on all your silly dreams
When hide and seek was thrill enough to live
We gotta lot to live before we die
We gotta take this shot to feel alive
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Wake up, wake up & feel alive
Make up, make up with those you really love
Jump up, jump up, cause standing's not enough
It's time to smile and easily forgive
Let up, let up on all the crazy stuff
Shut up, shut up no need to make a fuss
Look around and bring the positive
We gotta lot to live before we die
We gotta take this shot to feel alive
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Wake up, wake up & feel alive
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Out of Our Hands
Our hearts are breaking as we watch our dad breath in and out, but not wake up. His body is alive, but not his mind. His spirit is in and out of the room & we miss him terribly. Today the doctors wanted direction regarding our fathers continued care. Do we transport him to a long term facility & hope that he becomes that 5% chance, who at best would need us to care for him the rest of his life? Or do we stop his continued care (feeding tube & oxygen) & let him go?
We pray that we are directed by the spirit & that dad can be at peace with whatever he chooses.
After much deliberation, the doctors will withdraw his life support on Sunday afternoon.
This is an unimaginable position for us to be in & it is so hard to fathom living out the rest of our lives without our dad here with us. With any other injury, dad would be up & running by now, he is a fighter. This is out of our hands.
In Hebrews 11 Paul talks about faith. "By faith we understand the word and work of God- faith of the ancients were centered in Christ- By faith men subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, and worked miracles." If we exercise our faith, we can know the will of the Lord. If it is for our dad to move to the next level of existence, I am certain that he will still be active in our lives & very aware of us.
In Abraham, the people were given certain promises from the Lord. When they didn't see their promises fulfilled , they still didn't lose their faith. I know that faith is not about what we want, but what is for the greatest good. Please keep our father in your prayers .He needs them more than ever to discover his greatest glory.
I am sitting here with my dad right now. He is sleeping peacefully, as if he is going to wake up at any moment & demand I stop staring at him. He is so cute & looks so young. Again, the nurse tonight was shocked he that wasn't in his 40's. We love him dearly & we miss him so.
We pray that we are directed by the spirit & that dad can be at peace with whatever he chooses.
After much deliberation, the doctors will withdraw his life support on Sunday afternoon.
This is an unimaginable position for us to be in & it is so hard to fathom living out the rest of our lives without our dad here with us. With any other injury, dad would be up & running by now, he is a fighter. This is out of our hands.
In Hebrews 11 Paul talks about faith. "By faith we understand the word and work of God- faith of the ancients were centered in Christ- By faith men subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, and worked miracles." If we exercise our faith, we can know the will of the Lord. If it is for our dad to move to the next level of existence, I am certain that he will still be active in our lives & very aware of us.
In Abraham, the people were given certain promises from the Lord. When they didn't see their promises fulfilled , they still didn't lose their faith. I know that faith is not about what we want, but what is for the greatest good. Please keep our father in your prayers .He needs them more than ever to discover his greatest glory.
I am sitting here with my dad right now. He is sleeping peacefully, as if he is going to wake up at any moment & demand I stop staring at him. He is so cute & looks so young. Again, the nurse tonight was shocked he that wasn't in his 40's. We love him dearly & we miss him so.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
His Divine Self knows best
Dad received an MRI yesterday that confirmed what we already knew about his brain. His score stayed at a 5 today. He was much less responsive. He still withdraws from pain, but the nurses have to try a lot harder. The MRI showed more swelling in the left side & his eyes are starting to bruise again.
As I type this I can't believe I am talking about the same man who can single handedly pull a houseboat back to shore in the midst of a storm. The man who built a sports court, a huge deck, a club house with a swing, an extended garage for the boat, and who landscaped his beautiful yard on his own. The same man who broke his arm while breaking wood in a karate competition, yet still continued to break about 11 more & won. He then got a cast put on it & later sawed it off. Where there is a will there is a way for our dad. He is a fighter. The strongest man I know.
Us kids have a meeting with the doctors and trauma team tomorrow at 1p.m. Some are ready for this & others are not. It's only been 8 days since the accident & maybe dad needs more time, or maybe he is ready to go. Nobody can know for sure, but now would be a good time for him to punch the next nurse that pinches him (he would get a lot of points on the coma score for this!) They will show us the MRI scans & I'm sure scare us all to pieces & rid us of all hope. They will inform us of our choices at this point. Please pray for us to have clarity and peace within this meeting. It's important that we make decisions from a peaceful place rather than fear of an uncertain outcome or our speculations of what dad would want. Nobody can know this for certain except John Rona. At best, we would be guessing based on the human or ego side of our dad. I have a feeling his divine self is experiencing a completely different level of consciousness that we can not begin to understand.
As I type this I can't believe I am talking about the same man who can single handedly pull a houseboat back to shore in the midst of a storm. The man who built a sports court, a huge deck, a club house with a swing, an extended garage for the boat, and who landscaped his beautiful yard on his own. The same man who broke his arm while breaking wood in a karate competition, yet still continued to break about 11 more & won. He then got a cast put on it & later sawed it off. Where there is a will there is a way for our dad. He is a fighter. The strongest man I know.
Us kids have a meeting with the doctors and trauma team tomorrow at 1p.m. Some are ready for this & others are not. It's only been 8 days since the accident & maybe dad needs more time, or maybe he is ready to go. Nobody can know for sure, but now would be a good time for him to punch the next nurse that pinches him (he would get a lot of points on the coma score for this!) They will show us the MRI scans & I'm sure scare us all to pieces & rid us of all hope. They will inform us of our choices at this point. Please pray for us to have clarity and peace within this meeting. It's important that we make decisions from a peaceful place rather than fear of an uncertain outcome or our speculations of what dad would want. Nobody can know this for certain except John Rona. At best, we would be guessing based on the human or ego side of our dad. I have a feeling his divine self is experiencing a completely different level of consciousness that we can not begin to understand.
Navigating Uncertainty
In these uncertain times it is hard to know what to expect. From the beginning I have had hope that no matter what, all would be okay. I believe with all my heart that if my dad is meant to wake up & be whole, he will. I believe in miracles & my dad has been a miracle in so many of our lives. I believe he is in the Lord's hands & I know that ultimately it is the Lord's decision what happens next.
It has been so difficult to navigate through everyone's theories, fears, concerns, beliefs, predictions, etc. The doctors have been pessimistic from the beginning & I have not expected anything more than the same attitudes. I have chosen to focus on the positives & I do not regret this. I apologize if it has given anyone the wrong impression.
My dad has suffered serious brain damage to the left frontal lobe, the parietal, & temporal lobes . So severe, they say, that if he ever wakes up, he would not have a good quality of life. This is where it gets complicated. Who is to say what a good quality of life is? How much do we value a life? If someone isn’t what we thought they would be do they deserve to live? What about all of those amazing, loving handicapped souls? What if he can never play the piano again? But, what if he can listen to music? Will that be enough? What would he want? What would God want?
They say he will never be the same John that we all know, but at this point, none of us will ever be the same. No one wants to see him suffer, but who's to say that he is suffering?
I am grateful that I can hear his heart beat and hold his hand & see him fidget. But of course, the nurses and doctors see movement as reflexes, not intentional movements.
His coma score was a 5 today & he had less movement. He looks so amazing, here comes my cup half full side. I can't believe that in just one week, his swelling is almost gone, his bruising is gone, the tubes are out of his mouth, and he looks like dad, just sleeping.
Thanks for your prayers. We need them more than ever today.
It has been so difficult to navigate through everyone's theories, fears, concerns, beliefs, predictions, etc. The doctors have been pessimistic from the beginning & I have not expected anything more than the same attitudes. I have chosen to focus on the positives & I do not regret this. I apologize if it has given anyone the wrong impression.
My dad has suffered serious brain damage to the left frontal lobe, the parietal, & temporal lobes . So severe, they say, that if he ever wakes up, he would not have a good quality of life. This is where it gets complicated. Who is to say what a good quality of life is? How much do we value a life? If someone isn’t what we thought they would be do they deserve to live? What about all of those amazing, loving handicapped souls? What if he can never play the piano again? But, what if he can listen to music? Will that be enough? What would he want? What would God want?
They say he will never be the same John that we all know, but at this point, none of us will ever be the same. No one wants to see him suffer, but who's to say that he is suffering?
I am grateful that I can hear his heart beat and hold his hand & see him fidget. But of course, the nurses and doctors see movement as reflexes, not intentional movements.
His coma score was a 5 today & he had less movement. He looks so amazing, here comes my cup half full side. I can't believe that in just one week, his swelling is almost gone, his bruising is gone, the tubes are out of his mouth, and he looks like dad, just sleeping.
Thanks for your prayers. We need them more than ever today.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Dad's Smile Monday 11pm
Dad smiled today! It was so cute. I tickled his lips and he did a sour face and then smiled for everyone in the room. He smiled again later in the evening when my mom said she was taking care of the kids. It was such a blessing for us to see his sweet smile. He got his trach in today and looks so much better without all the tubes in his mouth. He looks much more comfortable. I asked him to move his left foot and I swear he did. The nurse saw it & said that was good. He has been moving his legs a bit but it's hard to tell if it's just a coincidence, but it was cool to see. He did it several times after I asked. You never know. :-)
We still do not know what's going to happen to him, but we are confident that he is in the Lord's hands.
Thank you for your prayers.
P.S. Right now Dad is listening to the CD Secret Garden (White Stones). It's beautiful instrumental music & was in his CD player in his car.
We still do not know what's going to happen to him, but we are confident that he is in the Lord's hands.
Thank you for your prayers.
P.S. Right now Dad is listening to the CD Secret Garden (White Stones). It's beautiful instrumental music & was in his CD player in his car.
Monday May 18th
Good Morning everyone. Sorry no update last night. We were all exhausted.
Dad will be getting the tracheostomy this afternoon & possibly come off of the ventilator.
They are taking the brain drain out today.
He got a 7 on the glasgow coma score yesterday! He actually localized the pain & reached over towards the area of pain, which is great! Today he is back to a 6.
The most important thing right now is to have patience and continued faith. Things can be up & down for a while. I am just happy that he is showing signs of improvement every day. It's only day 6 & in some brain injury cases they don't see any movement, coughing, increased coma scores, etc.
The nurse said that we do not have to hurry to make any decisions at this point. He is making progress & there is no rush. It's important that we give dad the time to heal & let him show us what he can do.
Dad will be getting the tracheostomy this afternoon & possibly come off of the ventilator.
They are taking the brain drain out today.
He got a 7 on the glasgow coma score yesterday! He actually localized the pain & reached over towards the area of pain, which is great! Today he is back to a 6.
The most important thing right now is to have patience and continued faith. Things can be up & down for a while. I am just happy that he is showing signs of improvement every day. It's only day 6 & in some brain injury cases they don't see any movement, coughing, increased coma scores, etc.
The nurse said that we do not have to hurry to make any decisions at this point. He is making progress & there is no rush. It's important that we give dad the time to heal & let him show us what he can do.
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