In these uncertain times it is hard to know what to expect. From the beginning I have had hope that no matter what, all would be okay. I believe with all my heart that if my dad is meant to wake up & be whole, he will. I believe in miracles & my dad has been a miracle in so many of our lives. I believe he is in the Lord's hands & I know that ultimately it is the Lord's decision what happens next.
It has been so difficult to navigate through everyone's theories, fears, concerns, beliefs, predictions, etc. The doctors have been pessimistic from the beginning & I have not expected anything more than the same attitudes. I have chosen to focus on the positives & I do not regret this. I apologize if it has given anyone the wrong impression.
My dad has suffered serious brain damage to the left frontal lobe, the parietal, & temporal lobes . So severe, they say, that if he ever wakes up, he would not have a good quality of life. This is where it gets complicated. Who is to say what a good quality of life is? How much do we value a life? If someone isn’t what we thought they would be do they deserve to live? What about all of those amazing, loving handicapped souls? What if he can never play the piano again? But, what if he can listen to music? Will that be enough? What would he want? What would God want?
They say he will never be the same John that we all know, but at this point, none of us will ever be the same. No one wants to see him suffer, but who's to say that he is suffering?
I am grateful that I can hear his heart beat and hold his hand & see him fidget. But of course, the nurses and doctors see movement as reflexes, not intentional movements.
His coma score was a 5 today & he had less movement. He looks so amazing, here comes my cup half full side. I can't believe that in just one week, his swelling is almost gone, his bruising is gone, the tubes are out of his mouth, and he looks like dad, just sleeping.
Thanks for your prayers. We need them more than ever today.
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John has been an inspiration and motivation in our family's lives. Through callings as a Sunday School Teacher, he's touched two of my children in ways no one else could. He has been a strength to them and a good example of how to live your life when it gets tough. His sense of humor always made it to the kitchen table after church. His call as Ward Choir Accompanist has given all who want to sing with him the chance to sing music that is challenging to play. His gift of music brought joy to my life as well as other choir members and congregations. His life is a gift for all of us to cherish.
ReplyDeleteon the end it's all JUST opinions, even what doctors actually know is maybe (and that's a big maybe) 1 billionth of what there is to know about the body, so it comes down to just being their specific opinion.
ReplyDeletemy mom (grandma) had a terrible accident many years ago, she had it much worse than what John is going through today (in addition to breaking her head in 3 pieces she had broken arms, legs, ribs, etc), same exact predictions from the doctors, fast forward to today, she's 87 years old, she recovered fully and is still going around walking by her self, she even knows the birthdays of every one of her kids and grand kids
we think we know too much
if i can say... miracles happen. each and every day. we often look for them to be in such a specific form. we must ask, what is it that 'is' to happen now?
ReplyDeletewhat is best?
who is it that knows best?
i certainly could never know.
but there is ONE who does.
let HIM tell us all what to do now.
he has John in his hands. He always has.
xo-JS
Summer you have always had the gift of positive thinking & there's no reason to stop now. This is breaking my heart for you & I wish I could be there to hug you & sit on a counter with a cup of tea & chat. Thinking of you sooo often & praying every chance I get.
ReplyDeletelove you, Ash
I stopped by today at lunch time to say hello to John. I miss him. I miss teasing him and being teased back. I talked to him about good times working together at Applied Materials. I talked about the lunch time pizza party away from work at his house. I talked about all the fun we’ve had with my brother Merril. I talked about playing racket ball and working out. I talked about the few times I’ve heard him play the piano. I talked about helping with plumbing. I talked about helping shovel to fill in for the patio. On John’s side, he was a little quiet. I hope I was able to reach him.
ReplyDeleteHis friend, Glade Warner
Thank you for posting your journey for all of us that love you to keep up and read, so that you can concentrate on what you are feeling and doing and not have to repeat yourself many times a day.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to share my journey with you.
You know that my husband passed away 14 years ago this June 23rd. Our boys were 14 and 15.
He had just gotten back from taking the Governor and Picabo Street and Mr. Holding to Budapest for the Olympic bids...a few days later he said, "let's go to the lake"...he had to leave for another trip the following Monday….so we got up and headed out. Usually he was the last one to ski, taking care of everyone else..but we told him we wanted him to go first. We watched him take a great ski ride and throw the rope and saunter off into the water like he always did...as we pulled up whooping and hollering like we always did...he was smiling and looking so happy. After a few minutes, we thought he was teasing us, cause he wasn't responding...Joe dove into the water and lifted his head and felt his pulse and said that he wasn't breathing...we pulled him in the boat, and Adam drove him to the dock while I tried to resuscitate him...as We pulled up, I yelled for help..they told me to come "over here" the paramedics were on the dock...as they pulled him out of the boat, I asked for the Priesthood...they said "we are here" I said do you have oil..they said "yes". I asked the paramedics if they could bring him back, they said if he wants to come...I told the priesthood, "Tell the Lord, if he is suppose to go, let him go, let him go in peace, If he is suppose to stay, let him come back in full health". They carried out my wishes, they got him back 2 times, and then he left. I knew the Lord placed the paramedics and the Priesthood on the dock for me...cause he knew I had to know I had done everything in my earthly power and it had to be the Lord's wishes and my faith. I told the Lord that night that he knew how bad my boys and I needed him, and if he needed him more than I release him to him in faith and love. It was so hard, and I miss him every day. But I know it's not about what I wanted. It was what the Lord wanted and the test is submitting to the Lord's will not our will. After he had passed a few hours later..as I was leaving him in the Hospital, I was in the room saying goodbye to him. I put my hand on the door knob and went to open it, and he came to me...he told me "I have to go...there are things I have to get done, there are things you have to do...get them done and you can come home...it won't be very long". I told him I heard him and I left and felt peace. I miss him desperately every day, and my boys have struggled, but we have been very blessed. It's called Tender mercies in abundance. If sharing this with you helps in any way, then I will be thankful. I love and adore all of you very much. May God be with you and bless you with peace in abundance at this time.
Love, Brande